I'd like to share my experience that has caused me to love Jesus so much....
Well, for me...it's simple, but, for those who've convinced themselves otherwise, it's near impossible to choke down.
Long story shorter: As was routine in my day-to-day life, I wanted, and thought, all of the following:
Lots of money
An eye for an eye
To help only myself
To avoid God lovers
To exalt myself above others
That Jesus probably wasn't who He claimed to be
To avoid church
That I didn't need a God
To avoid God (and the Bible [hadn't read it until after this event])
To not be (held) responsible
To try hard drugs
My nature was to:
Keep records of wrongs
Get really angry at traffic
Have the last word
Want things for, and to, myself
I lusted after all of these things...as shameful as they are to even admit:
Porn (Including m/m)
And I certainly couldn't care less if I:
Talked about them behind their back (good or bad)
Wanted to get intimate with a dog/horse
Partied all the time
Used Gods' name in vain :
Died...'fact I preferred to half the time.
But, one day, after the summer of 2013, I experienced something beyond anything I had ever experienced, before.
I became curious in life after death, or more accurately, the truth:
Because I'd just lost any and all hope that I didn't even know I had, about the possibility that Jesus is real.
I was broken...and couldn't even understand it, couldn't grasp where this level of anguish arose from.
When this happened, I found myself on my knees, literally bawling;
like a baby without her binky, or a child who'd dropped her ice cream cone.
For the first time ever, I was crying out with all of my heart to know the truth.
Man's understanding wasn't going to comfort me, couldn't reassure me, wasn't honest with me;
because, from what I understood, man knew nothing. Was sure of nothing.
No...I needed the answer, and I knew that God was the only one who could give it to me straight:
No theories attached, no if's, and's, but's, or excuses.
But I was unconvinced that would even happen...I'd just lost all the hope I didn't even realize I had. So what good was thinking that?
I went to sleep confused, hopeless, frustrated, but most of all: upset and hungry for truth.
That night, I had an incredibly vivid dream - one that I still remember every moment of as if it was a grand event that took place while awake.
I was standing on asphalt, and was swaying side to side as I faced a foreign woman holding a sword, which reflected the light of the sun off itself, who was swaying side to side with me, preparing to strike.
She spoke the words: "You're waiting for your time to come, but it's not yet."
Just then, she threw the sword into the wide blue sky, and I stopped in my tracks and stared at the shining blade as it flew up into the air.
As I stared at the sword, and began to slowly fall backwards, I put my hands atop each other on my chest and -for the first time ever- I heard myself say "Jesus...I'm sorry...and I'm ready." This statement seemed to flow out of me. It would have surprised me, since I fell asleep not even knowing if Jesus was who He claimed to be; for all I knew, Darwin or Buddha could have held the truth, but it was Jesus that presented Himself in my sleep this night.
Amazingly, just as I begun to speak those words, the sword transformed into a ball of light as it reached its' high point in the air; simultaneously, my entire being felt a huge wave of warmth and a relaxation that I'd never experienced before. It's impossible to really describe, but it feels better than a good body massage, or even a comfy bed after a long day of work.
I was already almost to the ground by the time I finished my statement. Just before the light should've fell through me, I closed my eyes, and prepared to leave my body.
Now, I've never successfully died in a dream - I always wake up right before I should die; I've also never thought to repent, even before a life-threatening surgery I'd had less than a year before this event.
However, I died...and I felt my sense of direction shift from facing up to downward, and my vision was being pulled backwards. Just as I expected to see my body come into view below me, I felt myself gently placed back into my body, and I awoke.
Regardless of what'd happened that night, regardless of how I felt:
When I awoke the next morning, I knew I was different.
Easy: Take every screaming bullet up there, and reverse or remove it.
I no longer thought Jesus might be real, I no longer questioned if He was who He said He was, I simply knew, in the deepest most untouched parts of my heart, that He is the truth.
I know that, being delivered from the above attributes, my life has certainly changed for the better.
And the best part is...no one can take this away from me.
No "philosophical" explanation(s), no theories, no assumptions.
I am so thankful to be free,
not only from the world...
but from myself.
If I was asked to explain how this experience
aligns with the reality of Christ, the following Bible
verses explain it better than I ever could:
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."
"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things have passed away; behold, all things become new."
"And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."
"He said to them: 'Who do you say that I am?' And Simon Peter answered and said: 'You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.' And Jesus answered and said to him, 'Blessed are you, Simon: for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven. And I say to you, that you are Peter, and upon this rock'" (of faith) "'I shall build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.'"
Here's to an eternity with love itself!
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